Bite Me Fan Boy (Intro)

If reality TV has taught us anything, there's nothing as entertaining as a good old fashioned bitch fight. As long as it doesn't involve you that is. I mean really, does anybody care all that much about Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff except when they're sayng nasty things about each other? Would anyone really have bought that many records by KRS-One if they didn't want to hear what smack that he had to say about everyone else and their mama? Hell no.

My sick lust for celeb gossip led me inevitably to the deliciously addictive world of online gossip. Truly the worst kind of evil, because within seconds with a mere mouse click, dirty laundry can be spread with the wind to the most remote corners of the world for all to behold. Yet I just can't seem to get enough. But today, I don't want to talk about the celebrites. I wanna talk about their fans.

I discovered the fan forum accidently through the "Hey it's that guy" articles at Fametracker. At first, I just read the articles, laughed at the witty, hipper than you, but not really, comments and sometimes gentle, often vicious deflating of our best known personalities. Eventually, I became intriqued by those little teasers in the bottom right corner. This week's Popular Topics:

Lindsay Lohan
Yes, she's making aaaaaaaall the right choices in life
Shall We Dance (2004)
No, we sha'nt
Rock Star Crushes
Which ones do you like to imagine singing or playing just for you?
Guess Who, Don't Sue
Blind items ahoy!

Heh. Was it possible that there were others just as bewildered that every magazine and T.V. show was tryng to sell me on the fact that Gwnenyth Paltrow is a timeless beauty? Or that Sharon Stone is a member of Mensa? That Jennifer Lopez can sing? That Whitney Houston doesn't use drugs? And I could be mean about it without being cast onto the next outbound boat to Hell? How is it possible for anyone to resist such temptation? So like the sailor to the siren I entered the Fametracker forums. That one fateful decision introduced me to an entire world located just beyond a computer screen that can be even more seductive than the one outside it. People are faceless and as such less inhibited. They are available for any of your needs 24-7. And when you've had enough, or want a second chance you just walk away, change your name and try agan. I tipped my head over the rabbit hole and found myself tumbling heels over keister into online land. I have yet to find my way back.

At first it was like finding a family of kindred spirits and souls, a community, blissfully lacking the stress rampant in "real world" relationships and friends. Your co-workers might annoy you, but your buddes online would never let you down.

Then the honeymoon phase wears off and you get to know more about your so-called online "friends". She's a Republican? He thinks Forrest Gump is a brilliant work of art? The bloom is off the rose. You find yourself noticing which posters you "like" and which ones you don't. You find youself getting riled up where before, it all used to be good fun. You wonder why you keep going back, when all you feel is aggravated. You start realizing that your fantasy world has suddenly become nearly as complicated as your real life. You realize that it's still too hard to stop now.

This, my friends, is the stage I have reached. I have successfully cut back on my online time and started reintegrating myself back in the world. Obviously, though, I haven't given it up completely, nor do I particularly want to. But I didn't want to completely lose all of the time I've put into my adventures online. I decided I might as well document my slide into the world of online fandom. Beware, all ye who enter. Watch out for the landing and bring a flashlght.